2023 is tomorrow

You made it!

365 days ago, you were making New Year’s Resolutions, wondering about this new thing called Omicron, and making plans to retire with your loot of Bitcoin. What a difference a year makes.

I am not very good at making predictions, I am, however, a student of history, and I want to take you back through a brief two-thousand-year history of envy as you think about how you will spend your one precious life in 2023.

2,000 Years of Empirical Evidence

Envy arrives on the doorstep of your frontal cortex when you feel unworthy, and the belief that possessing something else, whether it be a car, a house, a chiseled six-pack, or a better head of hair, will provide the salve to your pain.

This knowledge is practiced regularly in our house because Angela has gotten into the habit of asking me when I want to make a major purchase, “that sounds good, but first, you need to tell me what pain you are trying to numb.”

The ancient Greeks and Romans called envy one of the seven deadly sins, and it was believed to lead to destructive behavior such as gossiping and backbiting. They recognized that envy was an emotion that needed to be dealt with, lest it takes over our lives and dominates our thoughts.

In the Bible, the first act of life post Garden of Eden is the story of Cain and Abel. Abel is a shepherd and the younger brother to Cain, who is a farmer. Initially, Cain admires Abel. That is until they both bring a sacrifice to God, and according to the account in Genesis chapter 4:

“God liked Abel and his offering, but Cain and his offering didn’t get his approval. Cain lost his temper and went into a sulk.”

Cain brought something that didn’t measure up to Abel’s, and he sulked. He became envious. So what does he do to remove his envy from his life? He kills his younger brother. He would rather the world be without Abel than for Able to have something he doesn’t.

The two brothers represent two halves of humanity: Abel represents the part that looks up to heaven and what he could be, whereas Cain represents the other that looks down to torment and destruction, becoming obsessed with what he doesn’t possess.

In modern times, envy has taken on a different form. We rarely talk about it directly and instead refer to it as “keeping up with the Joneses” or “keeping up appearances.” It is a source of motivation and destruction, as it can lead to a preoccupation with material possessions and neglect of other important values.

Case in point, fast forward two thousand years or so to December of 2022 when I was scrolling on Twitter as one does during the holidays when the conversation has turned to a topic that you know better than to comment on when I came across this tweet:

It was perfect timing because I had just finished this book that same evening:

The book itself was fairly academic and worth the read if you want to look inside the lives of the haves and the have-nots (more to come in my review, which will be posted shortly). But the part I found the most interesting was the components of envy. According to the author, envy was minimal in the poor towards the wealthy. Here are some quotes from those in the $20,000 income bracket directed toward the $20,000,000 bracket.

So much wisdom here: “It is not my interest” In other words, I will stay within my hula hoop.

Acknowledging the role of risk and hard work in the process of wealth accumulation.

Looking to learn from the wealthy. I want to be wealthy too, but not at the expense of others.

However….

Interestingly, this group of people (and I apologize for the gross generalization here) don’t regard the wealthy as someone to be envious of; rather, they see them as someone deserving.

That is interesting in its own right because that goes against what we just learned in our history lesson above.

But it gets really interesting here as the author unpacks envy in the upper class. The following quotes are from millionaires towards the billionaires that are "taking over" Jackson, Wyoming.

Do you see the victimhood of the millionaire who feels helpless?

Seeing entitlement in others but not in themselves is next-level gaslighting.

You can feel the envy begin to take over this woman’s life. She knows it, but rather than look at the plank in her eye; she prescribes an antidote to the sliver in her neighbor’s eye: change your attitude.

Do you see the difference in these perspectives? The have-nots are working multiple jobs, sharing a trailer with other families, and studying how to become wealthy. The millionaires, on the other hand, are discontent and resent those with more money; or something else that they lack.

Comparison is the thief of joy, and envy is its master.

In 2022 we don’t murder each other because of envy, but we do compare, which is its own form of murder; the murder of oneself.

I know this personally because envy was a close companion of mine for many years. When I believed I was a victim, I envied others. With a dad in prison, I regularly made that excuse with the voice in my head. Got the girl to go on a date? It must be nice to have your daddy buy you a nice car. Got an A on the test? It must be nice not having to work to pay for school. To most things that didn’t go well in my life, I didn’t look to what was the truth of the situation; I was lazy in the form of comparison.

But everything changed when I woke up to the fact that it was victimhood controlling my life, and I was calling it fate.

I woke up, and I became aware, and everything changed for me.

I no longer saw envy as something to fix in myself, but rather I saw it as a natural emotion that can lead to positive outcomes if channeled correctly.

It can be used to motivate oneself to work hard and achieve desired goals.

Or

It can become your master.

So what should we do about envy as you enter 2023 with a list of items you would like to accomplish next year? Well, dear reader, my hope is that this essay has stirred up in you a couple of items that you need to be aware of that are causing you to covet what other people have. So that you can adjust your mindset to grow into what you are called to be, not what someone else has become.

The key to managing envy is recognizing it and being mindful of its power. We must remember that our worth is determined not by what we have but by who we are. We can use envy as a source of motivation to reach our goals, but we must be careful to avoid letting it control us.

Being aware of your envy means you are awake. And waking up is the first and hardest step on the journey. The 2nd step is to recognize that this is part of your personality and that you should have strong boundaries instead of trying to “fix” it. You’ve been given a string of truth; now pull with all you have.

So my question to you, dear reader, as you head into 2023 with glorious goals dancing in your head, is this: Are your goals designed to help you get to the next level of growth that is uniquely yours, or are you simply copy and pasting a cheap imitation that you saw on a billboard?

Homework

As you create your 2023 goals, ask yourself if these goals are coming from a place of envy. If so, pause for five minutes in the quiet and ask yourself why. No one will ever hear this reason; it’s between you and you, so honor yourself and tell the truth, or at least don’t lie.